Identity: Who Am I?

A couple of weeks ago I caught my reflection in the mirror. I stopped and stared into my own eyes for a few minutes. And I asked myself “who are you Liz?” It made me think about the concept of identity. Who are we, really? Most of the time when you ask the question, people tell you their name and occupation.

In the past I struggled with defining who I am. I recall one morning I couldn’t get out of bed. I felt like I had no reason to. I had just lost my job and in the absence of my identity as ‘Liz the Employee’, I wasn’t sure who I was anymore. Same to when I finished my schooling. I didn’t know what to do with myself. I was like a fish out of water. I had been ‘Liz the Student’ for so long that in the absence of that, I wondered I was now Liz the what? I imagine some retirees and empty-nesters face similar identity crisis…aka mid-life crisis. Not knowing who you are is actually a desperate feeling; depressing even.

Couple of weeks ago I decided to do a little experiment to see how people define themselves. I simply asked the question “who are you?” It’s a simple enough question, right? Apparently not. People struggled to respond saying it’s a tough question; a daunting task. Some asked for more time. Others wanted to know in which context I was inquiring. As I promised those that responded, I will not share any of their details. But these are the overarching identifiers people used to describe themselves: character traits/personality, likes/dislikes, hobbies/passions, their relationship with God, their name, marital status, age, occupation, heritage/background, their familial relationships (sister, son, mother…). One of the responses I found particularly interesting is a person said to me that someone else has to tell them who they are; they cannot define themselves. One said “I don’t know who I am”. Oh, and another told me they are ‘human’ LOL!

People also peg their identity on their future hopes and dreams – for example, if I could only get married, have children, have my own business, achieve career success, make lots of money, travel the world, buy a house, be debt free, relocate to another country, gain fame…, my life would be complete. It’s like we wait to have these things before feeling like our life has truly begun/have meaning – but what if we never achieve these things? What then? Who are we then?

There is nothing wrong with any of the descriptors above…except nothing is permanent – and perhaps that is why most of us struggle with defining who we are. What happens when we lose what we identify ourselves as? I am sure we all know someone (or we have been there ourselves) who truly struggled to move on with life after the death of a loved one, or after a relationship ended. Their identity was so tied to the person they lost – as their child, parent, spouse, girl/boyfriend, fiancée, friend – that a huge part of them was lost too. This is why you sometimes hear of someone taking their own life because they no longer see a reason to live. Sometimes our identities are so tied to people that even after the loss, we still maintain that identity and simply add an adjective to it, like angry ex-wife, grieving parent/child, jealous ex-boyfriend, lonely single, etc. I heard of a woman who had been counselled for a long time but was still very angry with her ex-husband. The counselor finally decided to part ways with her since nothing was working. When confronted, she said “if I let go of the anger, what will I have left?” Sad, huh? Bitterness and unforgiveness had become her identity and her purpose for living.

In light of all this, there has to be a better way to answer the question… “Who Am I?”

I remember a time when a huge part of what i pegged my identity on was ripped from me. It made for a very bleak season! I then made a desperate prayer to God and said “God, You are the only constant; the only one who will never leave nor forsake me. I want my identity to be deeply rooted in You – but not in my relationship with You, because I waver in my commitment to You, but rather in Your relationship with me – because that never changes.” And so I set off on a journey to ‘find myself’. I decided to lay aside all the idols in my life and truly buckle down in my pursuit of a committed relationship with God. Since I wanted my identity to be hidden in Him, it meant that in order to know myself, I needed to truly know Him. Who is He? What is He all about? What does He say about me? Who am I in Him? Friends, that kind of identity will NEVER be taken away from you.

It has been an exhilarating and rewarding journey of self-discovery; of getting to know who God is. And by knowing Him, I now know who I am. I was telling a friend that lately I feel like a well-settled pot of water. In the past my ‘main identity’ was in turmoil – hitched to many temporary things. And with each change in season, my ‘identity pot’ would get stirred up again; agitating sediment, destabilizing me. And on numerous occasions, just as I thought I had things figured out, the pot would be stirred again! But now, with Christ as, and at, the center of my identity, I am experiencing a lot of stability. It doesn’t mean that life doesn’t throw me curve-balls or that I don’t experience losses – far from it. In fact just last month I received news that threatened to potentially permanently dash one of my main hopes and dreams. In the past such news would’ve absolutely devastated me and would’ve had me in the dumps emotionally for weeks…months even. However, in a few short hours, I had already bounced back to my normal joyful self. Time and time again this testimony has repeated itself – despite life’s curve-balls, my ‘identity pot’ now largely remains unstirred; unagitated.

I have to admit that I struggled with writing this blog. I pray that you found it useful and that it made sense to you. The identity concept is a personal one – hence why I hesitated to write this. My intention for blogging about this was not to trivialize however people choose to define themselves; or to minimize any struggles people go through in their quest for self-discovery; or to simply “religioulize” (not a word) the concept of identity. My main purpose for writing this was to share my personal testimony of the difference Christ has made in my life. In the past, when I experienced loss of jobs, financial stability, relationships, friendships, community, and unfulfilled hopes & dreams, it was very destabilizing – depressing even. But after I surrendered my all to Jesus and determined to find my identity solely in/through Him, the difference in my life has been drastic. I find that I am much better equipped to handle life’s challenges because I have an unmovable and unshakeable anchor in the person of Jesus Christ. With my identity FIRMLY rooted in Christ, I am complete; lacking nothing – everything else is a bonus.

I would encourage you to ask yourself the question “Who am I?” “From what or from who do I get my identity?” It doesn’t have to be a scary, depressing or daunting question. It’s an important question we need to ask ourselves because I believe our self-worth is tied to our perception of our identity. It is my prayer that, like me, you will come to a place where you will allow Christ to be your main identity. It truly is a freeing and stable way to live. May our good God richly bless and keep you.

PS, I came across a wonderful website with a compilation of Bible verses in relation to our identity in Christ and what God says about us. I would strongly encourage you to take a read – it will boost your hope and enrich your faith as it did mine: https://www.openbible.info/topics/identity

I would be interested to hear your thoughts on this topic- or any related testimony you have to share. Feel free to leave a comment below – you can remain anonymous :).

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