My Immigrant Life – 20 Years In

August 21, 1999. The hour I had both been dreading and cautiously excited about had finally come upon me. In a few minutes, I was about to embark into the abyss of the deep unknown; facing a sea of firsts. I was about to leave everything I knew and everyone I loved behind in Kenya and start a new life in Canada. I felt unprepared. Like a fish out of water. I was but a babe, the last born in my family – the scent of my mother’s breast milk practically still lingered on my breath. I had no life experience. Didn’t know the world outside the walls of school and home. I was as naïve as they make them. But ready or not, this little eaglet was about to leave the nest – and only time would tell if she would flap her wings and fly or plummet to the rocky ground of failure below.

How was I going to survive without my loved ones? I anticipated that I would have lots of tears to shed. I figured my body had pre-assigned specific milliliters of tears to shed as the umbilical cord that firmly tethered me to my mother was finally severed. So like the planner I am, I decided that in the week leading up to my departure, I would cry in installments, daily, so that there would be no reservoir of tears to draw from come August 21^st. And so I did. My plan worked…and like a charm too! I was in high spirits all day. My eyes as dry as the Sahara Desert. Even as others teared up around me at the airport, I remained stoic. Alas! I had indeed depleted the reservoir! It was almost the perfect plan. Perfect, that is, until I beheld a most strange sight. My father. A man whose tears I had never had the privilege of seeing before, had streams of them running down his face as he hugged me goodbye. All bets were off at that point. My heart sent a distressing SOS to my body and demanded a loan of a new batch of tears. It was a bit of a scramble as my internal organs negotiated terms and signed contracts – but finally, the tears loan was advanced to my heart and quickly whisked to my eyes.  And so they gushed out of me, in bucket-loads of  a cry most ugly. Seeing my dad cry absolutely broke me. You mean to say that he loved me? That he cared? That he would miss me?? Always the stoic non-emotive type, I never really knew where I stood with him – but that tender moment between a father and his daughter, and those 2 little wet streams that rolled down his cheeks, told me all I needed to know.

Saying goodbye to my mom, sister, brother, boyfriend (now husband), countless relatives and friends who came to bid me adieu was the most difficult thing I had done up to that point. I saw the look in my mom’s eyes. She was terrified; apprehensive. She tried to hide it behind a brave, tear laced smile, but I knew different – because I was putting on the same front for her. The only thing that gave us some semblance of sanity was the knowledge that a friend from high school who had immigrated to Canada before me would be there to welcome me. She and her family had graciously agreed to host me for the 2 weeks before school started. To Kavivi and the Muli family, I owe you a debt of gratitude! You were a major part of this immigrant’s exodus. Thank you and may God richly bless you all!

And so off I went. To start my journey of firsts. First time on a plane, first time to leave my family, first time to leave the country, first time to figure things out on my own, first time to be independent. And so I landed in Toronto, (the land of milk and honey?) carrying nothing more than 2 suitcases full of my second hand-clothing, a sack full of memories, and a quiver full of future hopes, dreams and aspirations. Kavivi and her sister met me at the airport and Day One of my immigrant life commenced.

It was an interesting first year to say the least. Cue the culture shock. I couldn’t get over the public displays of affection! That shocked me immensely. I was also flabbergasted when a classmate invited a few of us to her birthday party at a restaurant only to have the waiter present each of us with a bill to pay for our own food! I was also very conscious of my accent and so I never said a word in class. One prof even gave me a C on a paper I wrote. His remarks? “This reads like an A+ paper but I will give you a C because I believe you cheated”. According to him, my silence in class meant my unintelligence. I had to prove I didn’t plagiarize which was easy to do as I handwrote everything first on account of not being adept at using computers.

The first snow fall traumatized me. I woke up to snow on the ground and I didn’t have a winter jacket. I thought it was like being in the fridge’s freezer – and I was convinced I would literally freeze to death. And so, accompanied by an equally misguided Rwandese friend, I bolted to a nearby thrift store and bought the first jacket I could get for the $20 I could afford. It was a man’s jacket – and 5 sizes too big – but it was warm – and that’s all that mattered! I also recall arguing with a McDonald’s employee when they said they didn’t sell chips – yet I could clearly see them behind the counter…and that my friends is when I learned that ‘fries’ and ‘chips’ are indeed 2 different beasts in this here North American jungle! Aaah! What a year that was!

My immigrant beginnings were humble to say the least. I have scrubbed toilets (while doing my MBA no less), I’ve worked graveyard shifts, I’ve known what it is to not know where your next coin is coming from, I have frequented many a thrift store and garage sale to stretch the dollar, I’ve known the pain of having to choose between visiting my family in Kenya or paying my school fees, I have known loneliness, and I’ve been clenched by the merciless talons of depression that accompanies financial stresses…. But through all the ups and downs, through all the pain and laughter, I can unequivocally say that my God has been faithful. Yes, I have made lots of mistakes but I have learned from most. In my 20 years here, I came into my own. I learned how to survive. I forged little villages of friendships – some long forgotten, some still remain. I started my own family. I charted my own path. I graduated from University. I fulfilled my desire to get my MBA. I got to work my dream job. I showed up to Canada with only 2 suitcases to my name, but now God has truly expanded my territory. He has planted my feet firmly in this foreign land, and by His grace and provision, I want for nothing. He has blessed me in unimaginable ways; and in turn I can stand with others in their hour of need. Glory be to His Holy name!

So what have I learned in 20 years? I have learned that:

1. God is faithful. When I see where I started and how far He has brought me, I can honestly testify to His goodness and faithfulness. But you, oh Lord, are a shield about me, my glory, and the lifter of my head. Psalm 3:3.
2. Trials are a part of life. At any given point in time, you are either in a trial, coming out of one, or about to get into one. The key is not to give up; but rather to press on and persevere with the help of the Holy Spirit. In this world you will have trouble, but fear not for I have overcome the world. John 16:33
3. Nothing lasts forever. Not the incredibly awesome moments in our lives, nor the utterly horrendous ones. Even the darkest of nights must yield to the first singular ray of sunshine that pierces the morning sky. Heaven and earth will pass away, but My words will never pass away. Matthew 24:35
4. Life is about making sacrifices and fighting to preserve what is important. We shouldn’t let pride or excuses stand in the way. Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters. Colossians 3:23
5. When God opens a door of opportunity for you, it’s not just for you to walk in, shut it behind you and forget everyone who is on the other side. No. We are blessed so we can be a blessing to others. If you have two shirts, give one to the poor. If you have food, share it with those who are hungry. Luke 3:11
6. Not every friendship is meant to be for a lifetime. I have lost a number of great friends over the years; even those I never imagined I could ever lose – but you know what? That’s ok. They were there for a reason and a season – and that purpose is now done. To everything there is a season, and a time for every purpose under heaven. Eccles. 3:1
7. Life truly is a journey. Full of high highs, low lows and everything in between. BUT we have a most merciful, forgiving and loving Savior, our Good Shepherd, the Lord Jesus Christ. If we would only firmly hinge our lives to His, if we would only allow Him to graft us onto His life-giving branch, if we would only allow Him to adopt us into His family, we would realize that at the end of the day, nothing else matters. Nothing can shake us. Nothing can overpower us. Nothing can separate us from His love. The Lord is my Shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside quiet waters. He restores my soul; He guides me in the paths of righteousness for the sake of His name. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for You are with me. Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever. Psalm 23

I don’t know where you are at in your life’s journey – “immigrant” or otherwise. Maybe you are at a great place! Or maybe you’re at a stage where it seems as though dawn will never break; like you can’t seem to catch a break. I pray that my story and life’s lessons will serve to encourage you. Remember that God never said that the weapons wouldn’t be formed; He said they wouldn’t prosper.  So be strong and courageous. … for the Lord your God goes with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you. Deut. 31:6 God is faithful. Even when everything in your situation screams differently, God. Is. Faithful. Stubbornly hold on to that. Stubbornly!

I’d love to hear of your story. What life lessons have you learned that can encourage someone else? You can comment below or on my  personal or SeentoUnseen Facebook page. And as always, thanks for sharing this post with others 🙂 You can also check out some of my PREVIOUS BLOG POSTS.

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