Wall Unit and the Guest

If you grew up in Kenya – and I guess in many other countries too – chances are your mother had a wall unit or china cabinet of sorts that held her prized cutlery, cups, plates, and serving dishes. So prized in fact that these units typically came with lock and key so the treasure could be housed securely and be accessible only to whomever your mom deemed worthy enough to handle the precious contents. The only way the residents of your house would get to use the good china is if guests came over to visit… or during very special occasions (read Christmas). Otherwise, the family was relegated to using the inexpensive, less fancy plates. As children, we loved having guests over (except for being asked to thoroughly clean and tidy the house from top to bottom). It meant we got to eat the special meals & treats that were prepared for the guests, we got to drink soda in excessive amounts, and we got to use the good china – which had to be washed before every use because the infrequent use meant the dishes were almost always coated in a light layer of dust.  But the favour was always returned – when we went to visit others, we too received the red carpet treatment.

Kenyan moms aren’t the only ones who fuss over guests. Nations and governments do this too. In a few days, POTUS Obama will be visiting Kenya. From the snippets I see on social media, it seems like the Kenyan government has gone all out to welcome its esteemed guest. One person on Facebook was flabbergasted that some workers in Kenya were “watering stones” (exact quote). Now, I don’t know why one would “water stones” – is it to make them grow? Or it is to help them give birth to little pebbles? Or did the FB user mean to say they were “washing stones”? Whatever the case, there is a lot of hullabaloo going on in Kenya right now as preparations are underway to ensure that Obama will be adequately impressed. One source claims that the Nairobi beautification project will cost $2 Million. Roads that have long been neglected are now being repaired; trash on the streets is being picked up; street kids and the homeless are being relocated; grass has been planted and is expected to miraculously grow in a few days; and flowers have been planted along the main routes where President Obama’s convoy is likely to pass – heavens forbid that POTUS is surfing the net on his cell phone during his drive (as opposed to looking out the window) because that will be two million dollars down the drain – the freshly unclogged drains!

Closer to home, Toronto is hosting the 2015 Pan Am Games and has spared no expense in ensuring that our guests are well taken care of – I’m talking billions of dollars. One of the projects was to revitalize and expand the main train station which had long outgrown its capacity – something that had long frustrated the hundreds of thousands of commuters that transitioned through the overcrowded station on a daily basis. But now, thanks to the Games, residents can finally have a station that meets their commuting needs.

I don’t know what “thing” is inbuilt in us that has us giving the highest honor and rolling out the reddest of carpets to guests and passersby that are here today and gone tomorrow – yet for family and citizens, we offer sub-par “stuff” and have no real sense of urgency to improve or change that which isn’t working well for them.

Tragically, we carry this mentality to our relationships as well. We allow strangers and acquaintances to get away with murder – but those closest to us (spouses, parents, siblings, kids) are not afforded the same degree of grace or patience. Even something said in a joke, or giving the wrong kind of “look” can trigger the outbreak of world war 14 in the household – just ask my husband (actually, don’t! LOL).

I know of a family whose dad was such a terror in the house but a saint everywhere else. When this family would be out and about, people would come up to them and say “you must be so happy to have such an amazing dad/husband.” The family would just nod and attempt to smile albeit uncomfortably. They could not reconcile the compliments of strangers to their reality at home – the reality of an abusive father and husband. So abusive that the mere sound of his approaching footsteps triggered a wide-scale panic attack because they didn’t know what new terror would be unleashed upon them as soon as he walked in.

Why do we do this? Why are we roughest on those who truly have our backs and are our greatest support system?Why do we take them for granted?  Why do we bend over backwards to impress those who least deserve it? Why do we give our best to strangers and reserve our worst for family and spouses? Why must family members leave home in order to experience the best?

Can you imagine a world where we esteemed and loved hard on those living within our walls? A world where we exercised the most grace, patience and mercy towards those closest to us? A world where we reserved our best for those who are most invested in our lives as opposed to heavily investing in passersby – which is akin to throwing pearls to pigs? I think that would be a most beautiful world. I think we would see less grumpy people out and about. I think we would see a lot of happiness and goodness in our world, because as someone said: loved people love people; hurting people hurt people.

I hope it’s obvious that I’m not saying that we now be mean to our guests and those we don’t know. Not at all. I mean let us also be as kind and as gracious towards our loved ones.

So let me ask you (and me) this… If a co-worker or acquaintance praised your “goodness” in front of your family/spouse, would your family agree with their sentiments? Or would they look over their shoulder to see if perhaps the co-worker was referring to someone else?

I encourage us to throw open the “wall units” of our hearts, love, grace, patience, forgiveness, time, and our belongings. Let us allow our loved ones and those closest to us to constantly and freely partake of our best.

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